It’s funny, but the 2020 NFL Draft might turn out to be one of our most normal experiences in this entire Covid-19 saga. While specialized sports channels across the continent struggle to find content as pro and college sports leagues have shut down their activities, the NFL Draft figures to be one of the sports telecasts least affected by the incapacity to host it in a public venue. Sure, the lack of the usual atmosphere will require some getting used to but, otherwise, it’s the commissioner announcing picks, and the commentators will be running the show from their home offices (one imagines). Yet, if that’s all that changes, bring on the draft and fast (not that this is not our default mindset anyway). Please, NFL, just use these special circumstances as an excuse to have the entire event proceed a tad quickly with less flag-thumping army ceremonies and that sort of stuff.

I’m personally dying to see the draft for three reasons: 1) it’s the draft a.k.a. my second Christmas; 2) there is potential for significant trade activity within the first 20 picks, thus we might see several teams pull off franchise-altering gambles; 3) the fact that there were no traditional pro days (we barely got through the Combine before having to shut down everything) will create an even greater distinction between teams that know what they’re doing and those that don’t. We know that at least two teams will reach for need, and that two more will fall in love with a player in an unexpected way. The competent teams have been ready for six weeks, the incompetent ones are shooting in the dark this year. This draft could pack the most gripping trade scenarios and the most shockers/unintentional comedy in years. It could indeed be something of a throwback draft, not just in terms of presentation, but in terms of substance.

AAAAAAAND… speaking of throwbacks… the Cincinnati Bengals are picking number 1!!!

Let’s get it on. For clarity’s sake, the indication that a trade is “pre-draft” means it has happened in real life. When a trade doesn’t include this mention, it means I’m anticipating it. Also, when you get to the Jaguars’ second pick, you will see this symbol: *. It points to a footnote at the bottom of the mock. Do read it. You’ll get to laugh at my Jags, not that they need you to pile on any more embarrassment. So enjoy… in this time of confinement, what else are you going to do anyway?

1. Cincinnati Bengals – Joe Burrow, Quarterback, LSU: This is the perfect match. The home state QB goes to a team starving for the kind of immediate help at the position that he is uniquely positioned to provide. All other first round quarterbacks, whatever upside they may have, scare me and the league for some reason (health in the case of Tua Tagovailoa, decision making/read progressions for Justin Herbert and Jordan Love). Burrow is the sole clear-cut, Day 1 starter and that’s the Bengals’ biggest position of need. As a pure prospect, I prefer Chase Young, but if I’m Cincy’s top brass, in my mind, the pick is already made. Even the Bungals can’t screw this up… can they?
2. Washington Deadskins – Chase Young, Defensive end, Ohio State: A trade is not impossible here, but I think the generally conservative Ron Rivera, who builds his team on defence, and more specifically on getting to the passer, will find Young too enticing to pass up. Dropping down even a handful of spots likely means losing Young to, say, Detroit. Washington won’t take that chance.
3. Miami Dolphins (Trade with Detroit) – Tua Tagovailoa, Quarterback, Alabama: The Phins tanked and pretty much gutted their roster last season to give themselves the kind of draft capital to make moves like this. Fearful of getting leapfrogged by the Chargers, Miami comes and grabs their franchise guy, and the overall lackluster state of the offence gives them the perfect excuse to sit him down for a year and let him heal no matter what.
4. New York Giants – Mekhi Becton, Offensive tackle, Louisville: You really think the team that drafted Ereck Flowers in the top 10 won’t do this?! Sure, other prospects offer better value and less risk, but this is the Giants we’re talking about here. GM Dave Gettleman, the league’s most prominent self-anointed defender of 1990s’ team building conventional wisdom, makes a daring choice by nabbing a promising but very heavy (literally) tackle who, in theory, has the athletic gifts to be a blindside protector and has the kind of mass to allow the Giants TO RUN… THE FOOTBAW!!!!!! In his defence, construction cones would have slowed down pass rushers more than Nate Solder and Mike Remmers, the Giants’ current tackles, did last season. I do agree that they need to ensure Daniel Jones’ survival. Just do yourself a favour, Dave. If you really want Becton, all good, but do drop down.
5. Detroit Lions (Trade with Miami) – Jeffrey Okudah, Cornerback, Ohio State: So the Lions swap picks with Miami and still end up drafting the guy they wanted to begin with. In the Bill Belichick-inspired world of Matt Patricia, you pay/spend your high draft picks on cornerbacks who can shut down receivers in man coverage, and you scheme your way into a pass rush (or pay those guys too, in the Lions’ case). Okudah fits the bill as a lengthy, physical corner who has enough speed to keep up with most of the league’s top guys. The loss of Darius Slay makes this pick even more essential.
6. Los Angeles Chargers – Justin Herbert, Quarterback, Oregon: I think we can all agree the Chargers need a quarterback, and they grab the highest-rated one here. Herbert scares the absolute hell out of me; I really think there’s Blaine Gabbert potential here (and before your recency bias pulls an “Oh, come on!” out of you, just remember that Gabbert possessed many of the same “gifts” that Herbert does, namely a big arm, deceptive mobility and a propensity for holding the ball WAAAAY… TOOOOOOO… EFFING… LONG!!!). Seriously, Herbert has the big time physical tools you want in your ideal QB prospect, but if he holds on to the ball the way he did at Oregon, he’ll set the NFL record for most career sacks taken on corner blitzes. Anthony Lynn’s job rests on this pick. Just have your Pepto Bismol ready, Tone.
7. Carolina Panthers – Isaiah Simmons, Linebacker, Clemson: This pick makes sense on so many levels. Luke Kuechly’s retirement precipitates it, and new head coach Matt Rhule comes from the Big XII, land of the Air Raid-type spread offences, many of which use tempo and force defences to look for hybrid defenders that can execute all sorts of coverage and pressure assignments without ever needing to be substituted. Simmons is a remarkable athlete and freakishly versatile. In a division loaded with high-octane passing offences, his multi-faceted skill set is priceless.
8. Arizona Cardinals – Derrick Brown, Defensive tackle, Auburn: I’ll be really surprised if the Cardinals don’t go defence in the first round given that, due to Bill O’Brien’s senility incredible generosity, they got a top-3 receiver (their biggest offensive need) in exchange for their worst contract. That trade truly was a howler for the ages. You’d have to be one of those horrid NBA GMs of the 1990s to like that trade. But I digress. The move allows them to focus on defence, namely on getting stouter against the run. Brown, whom I project as a 1-technique type in the NFL, offers too much value here for the Cards to pass up on him.
9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Trade with Jacksonville) – Tristan Wirfs, Offensive tackle, Iowa: Going to Tampa Bay likely means that Tom Brady will attempt the most deep shots he’s taken in a season for a long time. There is no way Tampa Bay allows itself to go into the season without passable protection on the edges. Wirfs, an athletic and polished right tackle, fills a significant hole for the Bucs.
10. Cleveland Browns – Jedrick Wills, Offensive tackle, Alabama: For all their problems last year in the dysfunctional Freddie Kitchens experiment, the Browns’ roster remains pretty loaded. However, the team’s glaring hole is at left tackle. It might not be completely Baker Mayfield’s fault that, during the first half of last season, he seemingly rolled to the right on every pass play. I’m not sure Wills has incredible upside, but he is an upgrade at the left tackle position for the Browns, and offers much-needed stability.
11. New York Jets – Jerry Jeudy, Wide receiver, Alabama: Adam Gase is almost certainly coaching for his job, and he has to start giving “Saviour” Sam Darnold the tools to live up to his nickname. While tackle might be a bigger need, the Jets could also use a dynamic no.1 threat like Jeudy, whose precise route running figures to allow him to get open consistently. You can help your protection with better linemen, or you can help by getting receivers who can get open fast and consistently.
12. Las Vegas Raiders – Cedee Lamb, Wide receiver, Oklahoma: Sure, this is a deep receiver class and Mike Mayock has another first round pick, but Lamb represents both need and value at this spot. The Raiders never really replaced Amari Cooper upon trading him. Now, they have.
13. San Francisco 49ers (Pre-draft trade with Indianapolis) – Trevon Diggs, Cornerback, Alabama: Conversional wisdow says that CJ Henderson is the higher-rated prospect. However, Diggs is a more physical player, and you know a team that still uses Richard Sherman values physicality in its cornerbacks. Also, the 49ers’ draft board is rather different from what the national media’s rankings say. San Fran goes “rogue” once again.
14. Jacksonville Jaguars (trade with Tampa Bay) – CJ Henderson, Cornerback, Florida: The Jags have had a certain success with home state products, and Henderson is the latest one. For the Jags, cornerback is a huge need after the team dicthed both halves of what was considered a superstar duo at the position. They’re fairly ecstatic for the chance to pick Henderson here after having come down. Henderson is not soft, but… He is however very athletic and second to none in terms of raw coverage skills in this draft.
15. Denver Broncos – Kenneth Murray, Linebacker, Oklahoma: How are the mighty fallen! Only shadows remain from the terrifying defence with which Denver won the Super Bowl seemingly not long ago. With the shortage of offensive tackles worthy of this pick, Denver chooses to get better and more athletic at inside linebacker with the selection of Murray. A much needed ballhawk, he provides Denver with a “Gosh, he’s everywhere!” kind of guy and the Broncos’ defence gets instantly better, especially against the run.
16. Atlanta Falcons – Javon Kinlaw, Defensive tackle, South Carolina: Seriously, doesn’t it seem as though Atlanta needs D-Line help, like, all the frickin’ time?! They hope that Dante Fowler can save them from having to draft another edge rusher and turn their attention to the inside, where they plug Kinlaw next to Grady Jarrett to form a pretty fearsome tackle duo. Kinlaw, a powerful tackle who has the quickness to help out a bit with pass rush, provides Dan Quinn with a great tool to penalize teams that decide to focus all their efforts on Jarrett. Maybe the Falcons can, one day, once again, have a D-Line that’s worth a damn… Maybe.
17. New Orleans Saints (Trade with Dallas) – Jordan Love, Quarterback, Utah State: So we have entered the Jordan Love sweepstakes, and because Sean Payton is afraid Bill Belichick will beat him to the punch for Love, the Saints make Dallas an offer they can’t refuse and come up for the intriguing Utah State product. Love has proven to be very good when surrounded by competent players, and his physical tools are very impressive. He lands into an ideal scenario where he gets to learn one of NFL’s deadliest offences while playing understudy to one of the all-time greats. I’m not sure the Saints would much care what they need to give to make this happen.
18. Miami Dolphins (pre-draft trade with Pittsburgh) – Andrew Thomas, Offensive Tackle, Georgia: Starting at left tackle for Miami, we have “Bad.” Starting at right tackle, we have “Worse.” The Phins need tackles something fierce, especially with the shiny new quarterback they just drafted, and while he probably doesn’t have the required movement skills to play left tackle, Thomas can competently man the right side in addition to giving Miami a real plus at the position in the run game.
19. Las Vegas Raiders (pre-draft trade with Chicago) – Patrick Queen, Linebacker – LSU: Here, one assumes that Mike Mayock still believes Clelin Ferrell can still become an upper-echelon pass rusher, which is not what we saw in Year One. That said, going with that assumption, the Raiders pick Queen because, while the addition of Cory Littleton was important, Vegas can still use more athleticism at the linebacker position. Queen has sideline-to-sideline capabilities.
20. Jacksonville Jaguars (pre-draft trade with LA Rams) – AJ Epenesa, Defensive end, Iowa: Need I remind you that my favourite collection of twats once drafted Tyson Alualu 10th overall? Different administration in charge, sure, but still. In Jacksonville, the more things change…Yes, K’lavon Chaisson is a higher-rated, more explosive player, but this is about system fit and reliability. Epenesa gives Jacksonville something like a poor man’s poor man of Calais Campbell: a big, strong end/tackle hybrid who has shown the ability to get to the passer as well as to be a stout base end on run downs. With the flop of Taven Bryan (picked when Lamar Jackson was still on the board because Tom Coughlin said “hey, let’s do RJ Soward* all over again!”; in related news, I’m going to kill myself…), Epenesa’s high floor can’t be overstated.
21. Philadelphia Eagles – Henry Ruggs III, Wide receiver, Alabama: The Eagles’ receiver squad was riddled with injuries and disappointing last season, so the Eagles nab the draft’s top speed merchant to exploit Carson Wentz’ big arm. Ruggs falling this far is purely a matter of the depth of this WR class, which has teams believing they can get a viable starter in the second or even the third round. They’ll love him in Philly.
22. Minnesota Vikings (Pre-draft trade with Buffalo) – Justin Jefferson, Wide Receiver, LSU: Why are so many people sleeping on Jefferson? The dude is a monster. Having traded away Stefon Diggs, pairing Adam Thielen with a capable starter on the other side is a priority. Jefferson isn’t the draft’s most impressive physical specimen, but he has a superb all-around game, and Minnesota’s offence doesn’t miss a beat after dealing Diggs.
23. New England Patriots – K’Lavon Chaisson, Edge Rusher, LSU: Leave it to Bill Belichick to stay put and watch studs fall into his lap. While the identity of Tom Brady’s replacement remains a critical unanswered question, the Pats nab their most gifted edge rusher since Chandler Jones was wearing their colours and coach him up to be a complete, consistent player. Chaisson is a talented guy, but he needs to land in the right spot to avoid turning into another Barkevious Mingo. If the Pats pick him, lawd have mercy! He’ll become the next stud to get dealt away to a scrub team in exchange for a fourth rounder because he talked about his contract in the media mid-season instead of, quoting Belichick here, “getting ready to play the Jets.”
24. Dallas Cowboys (Trade with New Orleans) – AJ Terrell, Cornerback, Clemson: Losing Byron Jones leaves a big hole to fill, and Dallas gets value by moving back and picking Terrell, whose stellar coaching career was somewhat clouded by his rough outing in the National Championship game, but he’s a tall cornerback with speed and ability, so the Cowboys jump on him.
25. Minnesota Vikings – Yetur Gross-Matos, Defensive End, Penn State: I’m calling “Bust alert!” on this one, but the fact remains that Minnesota needs help at DE after the departure of Everson Griffen. I don’t like what I see on tape from Gross-Matos, but physically, one cannot deny he has the looks of a first-round pick. If this works out, the Vikings are still strong contenders.
26. Miami Dolphins (Pre-draft trade with Houston): Tee Higgins, Wide Receiver, Clemson: Higgins makes a lot of sense for Miami on a number of fronts. First, if Davante Parker’s 2019 season wasn’t a fluke, Higgins offers a nice compliment to what Miami already has at receiver: to the complete player in Parker and the possession receiver in Allen Hurns, they add an overgrown deep threat in Higgins. If Parker reverts to previous form, Higgins is dangerous enough to be a no. 1 receiver in the NFL. With Parker, Hurns and Higgins, don’t look now, but the Phins’ passing game is starting to look scary.
27. Seattle Seahawks – Austin Jackson, Offensive tackle, USC: The offensive line has been the turd in the punch bowl of much of the Pete Carroll era, and you’d think they’d want to… you know… change that at some point. As of right now, Seattle’s starting tackles are Duane Brown and Cedric Ogbuehi. Brown is going into year 13, which is to say there’s a chance he falls off the proverbial cliff at any moment (or gets injured again), and Ogbuehi is a fringe starter at best. Thus, Jackson provides an insurance policy at either spot for now, and gets groomed to be Brown’s replacement in the not-so-distant future.
28. Baltimore Ravens – Grant Delpit, Safety, LSU: Isn’t this such a Ravens kind of pick? A multidimensional college stud who was better as a sophomore than as a junior, Delpit’s usefulness depends on your level of imagination. Paired with Earl Thomas in the back end, Delpit allows DC Don Martindale to use all of his creativity to put him to good use.
29. Los Angeles Chargers (Trade with Tennessee) – Joshua Jones, Offensive tackle, Houston: There’s a player I see the Titans taking, and I think he makes them really scary, but they can probably wait until pick 37 to get him. Meanwhile, the Chargers’ offensive tackle depth chart looks atrocious, and is a likely explanation as to why Phillip Rivers struggled as much as he did last year. Now, the have a left tackle prospect loaded with upside to provide Justin Herbert with time… which he’ll need because, by the time I write my 2021 mock draft, he’ll still be playing the week 12 game against Denver, stuck in the 2nd quarter wondering if he can expect the TE dig route to come open on the drive concept.
30. Green Bay Packers – Ross Blacklock, Defensive tackle, TCU: Piggybacking off the previous Atlanta trope, doesn’t it feel like Green Bay is always drafting interior linemen or DBs in the first round? So the interior of the Pack’s D-Line needs reinforcing once again. Blacklock offers them good value here and is exactly their kind of player.
31. San Francisco 49ers – Ezra Cleveland, Offensive tackle, Boise State: The 49ers go with value here, and it makes sense considering Joe Staley will turn 36 before the season begins. Cleveland needs to work on his strength and technique, but has the ability to take over for Staley down the road. The team doesn’t have lots of holes and can afford to make an investment like this, even in the first round.
32. Kansas City Chiefs – Kristian Fulton, Cornerback, LSU: The Chiefs are doing backflips. Well, not Andy Reid, but you know what I mean… Fulton comes from a long assembly line of LSU cornerbacks and gives the Chiefs a chance to take care of one of few chinks in their armour.

*For those who weren’t born yet, or just didn’t remember, because… well… why would you?, RJ Soward was a wide receiver from USC whom the Jags, a loaded team coming off a 14-2 season, chose to take in the first round of the 2000 NFL Draft even though they had two stud receivers on the team already because, I guess, their biggest “true need” was a no.3 receiver. Best available player, who needs that, right?! Meanwhile, in an age when dumb teams REALLY didn’t understand the salary cap yet, the Jags gave a handful of terrible fat contracts**, wound up in salary cap hell to an extent that’s impossible now, and have basically had three good seasons ever since. To make matters worse, Soward wasn’t even a no. 3 receiver, fizzled out of the league remarkably quickly, and his most memorable moments as a professional football player happened with the Toronto Argonauts. And if you think I had forgotten that and wasn’t still pissed off when I heard Tom Coughlin was coming back to Jacksonville, you don’t know me well enough. And just to prove me right, he proceeded to draft Leonard Fournette fourth overall in 2017, which is the exact kind of dinosaur 1990s move I’m sure the likes of Dave Gettleman really liked, and now Fournette is reportedly on the trade block. “Never mind, Coughlin said at the time, a stud like Dalvin Cook or a perfect back for the modern game like Christian McCaffrey! Let’s go for the injury-prone power back who looks for contact!” Fuck Tom Coughlin with the brush Shad Khan uses to tidy his mustache!!

**For example, you ask? Try a 4-year, $16-million deal (a huge sum at the time) to middle linebacker Hardy Nickerson, who was going into his 17th season in the league. CHRIST, I hate this team!!! I can’t shake them, but I hate them.